As a caregiver, you may have heard of your family member’s emotional or sensory discomfort as dysregulation. It is not often talked about how every person can become dysregulated. It is important to know that having emotional or sensory regulation is not being calm, cool, or at ease all of the time. Emotional regulation is your ability to express any of your emotions in a safe way, and that you are able to manage and change depending on the situation you are in. Sensory regulation is your ability to pay attention to or ignore outside sensations that may feel nice, be irritating, or signal alarm to your body. Self-regulation is the ability to change your energy and responses to meet the demands of an activity or experience. Self-regulation is learned and developed through practice, and is influenced by other people and within a supportive environment.
It is very common for caregivers to become dysregulated, both from outside sensations and from emotional demands. We often experience the dysregulation of our loved ones and can become dysregulated too. When you calm your emotions and help another person to calm at the same time, this is called co-regulation. The benefits of co-regulation include increased trust, bonding, and sense of safety. With an adult child or loved one, this can be something that you are both out of practice doing together. Practicing co-regulation is best learned when you and your loved one are feeling calm and regulated. This is the time when our brains and bodies learn best. It is important to check in with yourself if you are expressing your emotions in a regulated way. Give yourself and other people the opportunity to express emotions that don’t feel good, like anger and sadness. Every emotion can be shared in a regulated way!
Tips
Be present. Put your concerns and worries to the side when responding to yourself or your loved one. Be present for what you and your loved one are feeling.
Create and provide a warm and responsive relationship. Provide care and affection for your loved one and for yourself. Respond to your own body cues that signal your needs and wants. Commit to caring no matter what.
Practice consistency, predictable routines, and practice predictable responses. Promote that sense of safety and security through routines, allowing space for you and your loved one to take it easy and still learn skills at whatever age and stage. Be careful to respond similarly across each day and each setting. It can feel unsafe when people do not respond predictably, putting us on edge.
Teach and coach yourself and your loved one how to self-regulate. It is important to practice regulation skills like deep breathing, stretching routines, and talking through emotions when you are calm and regulated. The body and mind can only practice co-regulation when it is feeling very dysregulated if it has practiced that skill enough times.
Supportive Activity: Transitional Moments
Many of us rush around from task to task without taking any breaks for ourselves. These can lead to feelings of overwhelm and big emotions that need to be regulated. Use cues to move from one activity to another. This can support flexibility and reduce emotions for daily routines. It also provides a small opportunity to check in with yourself.
Unplug and take a breath before moving to the next thing
Label the emotion you are currently feeling and just feel it for 30 seconds
Stretch the body for a minute or two
Listen to a song or piece of music
Take a dance break
Drink water
Have a snack that makes you feel nourished and strong